Have been having a lot of weird dreams lately. This dream had layers so it was very hard for me to go through the scenes by sequence. I'll see where the words will bring me.
...there you were and there I was. We both knew there was something between us, but we couldn't, the room was too crowded and there was no room left for me and you. I did still, move towards you, which meant I had to sadly maneuver myself around other tables and found myself sidelined on the one seat that was left hovering at the margins of the crowd.
What remained of that night remains unclear, I was so drunk, I do not recall how or with whom I left with and how I got home. The only thought left was that I had promised my dad to make a movie at 11am. He would hold the camera and I would direct. Was it this morning or the next? I kept asking myself. It was an important movie, a remake of a scene that would be the difference between life and death for me. Because somebody wanted to kill us and I had to recreate the scene of his plot against us all.
As I try to swirl my thoughts into the scene of us meeting in the dark, things become entangled. Me sitting here on the sofa of a warming Scotland morning, me, in the dream knowing that the 11am filming moment was important and the me, in the dream recalling the dream where I witnessed the menacing scene where we all felt his presence, froze in the dark, held our breathe and let him pass...
It's too late now, I cannot logically relate the dream in the dream in this current state of mind. My thoughts in the awaking state is becoming all too strong and it is skewing the realities of the dream.
Remembering a dream is a futile business, it didn't happen and it did. But then what about a movie? Did it happen or did it not? is life not the same? If I relied on myself to claim that I existed, I am sure to be doomed. I live on because of the thoughts of others. And humanity is but a collection of all such thoughts put together.
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